well, it's been a few days now that I have been a 'baldie' and it has been an interesting few days at that. The first night, I took a shower. A shower on a bald head is a completely new experience. WOW! And I realized quickly when my head wasn't under the stream of warm water that it was freaking COLD! My head caught every little breeze. After my shower I went to bed- with my cold head. I had a couple of little caps that I bought- one specifically for sleep, but it is rather thin. Us cancer patients are warned that we might get a cold head because it won't have that hair as insulation. Well, I wore my little cap to sleep in and my head still felt cold! Since then- I wore this huge, heavy knit hat that my mom made for me- this thing is meant for a cold snowy day- I wear to to sleep at night! LOL!
The day after shaving my head (Thursday) I had a lunch date with my CASA supervisor. It was the first time I would have to leave my house without MY hair. Yes, I had my wig and I fully intended to wear it, but still- I was terrified. Honestly, I felt like I was gonna puke. I put my wig on and got in the car. I pretty much was in full anxiety attack mode at that point. I called my grandma while I was driving, just so she could distract me from freaking out. I talked to her all the way to the office- and felt much calmer by the time I got there- thank you grandma!!!
My wig is really nice- it is very much like how I might wear my hair normally- well, except my real hair has always been much to thick to style the way my wig is. But it looks like ME....We went to my favorite restaurant in the world- Thai Garden. My favorite waitress in the world (who conveniently works at my favorite restaurant in the world) was there. And she recognized me. That was nice too! Crazy things you worry about when life goes awry and you lose your hair I guess.... We had a wonderful meal, and discussed non cancer stuff- my supervisor uged me to come and take a paid position when I am 'ready' which was nice but I don't know that I would ever work there as a paid person- my 1 tiny little case gave me so much grief that I can't imagine having more than 1 case at a time!
After lunch, I went back home- and the wig came off. It was terribly itchy when I first put it on, but after about 10 minutes I got used to it and it was actually quite comfortable. Still- off it came when I got home. It does not bother me to be bald at home. Unless the air conditioner is on- then I need my hat! An hour later, I had to go pick up Sloane from preschool. All the teachers there know what is going on- but still a few of them thought I just had a new haircut- and they were really quite shocked to find that it was a wig! When I got to Sloane's room she announced to the class- 'Hey, that is my mom! She is wearing hers new hair wig!' All the while beaming from ear to ear. Then of course- she said 'Now take it off mom, show them yours haircut!!!' LOL! I was like- uhhhh NO! She was really disappointed that I didn't stand in the middle of 8 four year olds and rip off my hair to show them :)
Thursday evening, both Ethan and Cameron had their martial arts class. Cameron and Sloane both desperately wanted me to go in there bald. I rationalized it that I DO look not half bad right now- especially since I still have stubble- once I lose that, I will definately look 'sick' Also, I know most of the people in there so it is kind of a 'safe' environment. Well, I couldn't drive bald so I wore my scarf instead of my wig until we got there. Still kind of unsure- Cameron and Sloane are both chanting at me to do this- Ethan said 'no- don't do it!!!' But Cameron and Sloane won. I took off my scarf and went in to sit down. Really- I really thought I was gonna throw up. I sat down and one of the owners came and talked to me, and I explained. It didn't make me feel better. I hated being in there with no hair. I really wanted to just puke. Then Sloane wants me to walk around the shopping center with her and go shopping. No way in hell girl- I have no hair! As soon as we get back to the car I put my scarf back on. I did it. I didn't like it, but I did it.
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