Pre-op

Today was my pre-op appointment, which of course means that surgery is coming up soon.  I have never really been excited for a surgery before but let me tell you- I am actually a little excited this time.  I was looking forward to this appointment because I really needed something to happen with my leaky boob.  I had decided that I would like the PS to just stick a needle in there and drain out what was left of the saline.  That way it wouldn't hurt any more, and also because then I could just wear my prosthetic boob on vacation, instead of looking like a lopsided freak.  Speaking of vacation- we had the car all packed and ready.  Jim and the kids were waiting outside in the van for me while I was in for my appointment.  Afterward, we were Sea World bound!!!!!  A much needed vacation for all of us!  I brought my prosthetic with me in hopes that the PS would go along with my plan.   Unfortunately he did not.  He wanted my expander to continue stretching the skin out as much as possible before surgery because it gives him more to work with. sigh....  As for the appointment- it went well- he answered all of my questions, and also took another round of pictures.  I found out that when he does the abdomen incision he actually cuts my belly button OUT OF MY BODY!!!! Then pulls the skin down to my pubic bone, sews it up, and puts my belly button in a new place.  Yep, that's some freaky shit right there!  I also asked about the stage 2 surgery- some surgeons that do DIEP flaps do lyposuction during stage 2, to kind of smooth things out and then they use that fat and do *something* to it, and then inject it into the breast with a syring- it is called fat grafting.  My surgeon doesn't do that though because he has found that often that fat will die inside the breast and he then has to go back in surgically to remove it.  I guess he just cleans up the scars, makes sure everything looks nice and even, does of lift of my real boob, and then will build me an areola out of hip skin.  That is still months away though.  The only goal for THIS surgery is to move the tissue and make it live....I will probably have 3 drains- one in my breast and 2 in my abdomen.  fun.  I will be in the hospital at least 2 days but probably closer to 4.  Maybe even 5.  Please don't let it be 5!!! I have never been locked in a hospital that long and that gives me way more anxiety than the actual surgery!   I also talked to him about pain management.  From past experience, I have found that morphine does NOTHING for my pain.  I can push that stupid button all day long and it will do nothing for me at all.  He said there were a lot of other options and he would fix me up good.  Yeah :)   The other thing I asked about was if they could use my port for my fluids/meds/anesthesia- I have no good veins and hey- the port is there, may as well use it, right?  He said they could but that as soon as I was asleep, they would probably put in IV in my arm.  Well that kind of misses the point, doesn't it?  I am nervous about them doing that when I am asleep because I can't have any needle sticks on my right arm because of lymphedema.  May as well have them do it when I am awake so I make sure they get the correct arm.
After my appointment with Dr. Duffy,  I went down to the hospital for my preop there.  They did a quick EKG, got my paperwork done, and did some bloodwork.  I tried to get them to use my port for that as well, and they couldn't (only real nurses can access a port- not techs)  anyway she looked on my only useable arm and found nothing.  I told her to just stick my hand because it is all I had.  She actually got it right away and I told her she did a good job.  As soon as I said that she said- uh oh!  And my vein blew :(  Ugh!  They ended up getting it though on the next try.  Not happy about the blown vein in my hand though.  I did find out that there is a lovely cupcake bakery downstairs in the hospital- YEEHAW!  That alone could make my hospital stay bearable.
One thing I must say that I have found strange- people feel the need to tell me they are jealous of me getting this surgery.  WHAT?  I have been told that I am getting the 'mommy makeover that all moms dream of having.  Mind you- the people telling me this mean well and I KNOW they mean well.  Trying to make me feel better about having to have surgery, I am sure but pleeeeeease don't tell me you are jealous of me.  I have cancer.  I have to have this surgery because I had to have my real boob chopped OFF because of cancer.  NOBODY  should be jealous of that.  I can blow off most things that people say to me but this just really strikes a nerve.  

Deflated

At some point friday, I noticed I was having some breast pain on my mastectomy side. I thought it was strange because I really hadn't been in much pain in that area in quite a long time. I started to worry that I had an infection or that my body was rejecting my tissues expander or something...I really had no idea! Well, there was no swelling, heat, or redness so I figured it was not an infection. Also on friday I had gone to the pool with the kids. I have searched high and low trying to find a bikini top to wear under my swim shirt.  Finally, I found one that evened out the girls.  When I wore  it friday to the pool- there was something going on for sure.  I was terribly lopsided and could not even things out.  I had no idea WHY I could not make my suit look as good as I did when I first bought it.  Then it all started to click...My foob (fake boob) was smaller!  Holy cow!  The only way to explain that is that it must be leaking.  When I finished having it expanded in December, my foob was actually a tad larger than my boob.  That was certainly no longer the case.   Jim was kind of freaking out about it and wanted me to call my plastic surgeon- the one that put my expander in.  Well, I just didn't see the point.  Not only was it a weekend, but also I had pre-op coming up on Tuesday with the plastic surgeon that was going to take the expander out (NOT the same PS that put it in) so there was just nothing for that doctor to do for me, and the expander is filled with saline which is safe if it leaks.  Now it's just something I have to wait to figure out what will happen with the leaky boob.

lymphedema

I have definately had troubles with lymphedema the past month.  Most days it is a minor annoyance, but some days it is really hard to deal with.  Especially in my underarm area.  My arm has puffed up a few times from dish drying, gardening, building stuff...I am usually able to do manual lympatic drainage to help with my arm and it seems to work relatively well.  I also have a sleeve to wear when I do anyting strenuous, and whenever I have trouble with swelling.  The underarm area though is much more difficult.  My tissue expander is in my way, so it is hard to reach that area, and I just never seem to be able to get the swelling down.  My massage therapist and lymphedema therapist both are able to get the area to drain (though the massage therapist is actually more successful)  I am really hoping that things will resolve some once I get that stupid tissue expander out.   Since I have to wear that terribly lymphedema sleeve at inopportune times, I treated myself to a designed one.  It is kind of fun, though definately more noticable.

Mammogram day

Yesterday I had my 1 year mammogram.  The week leading up went very well and I have felt pretty calm about the whole thing.  More than anything I felt the need to get it done just to make sure there was nothing questionable on my good side before surgery- because if there were, I would need to have it lopped off asap and have them both done during reconstruction.  Then yesterday morning I was a tad nervous, but I was thankful that I had plenty to keep my busy before my appointment- my weekly massage therapy appt, then I was supposed to have lunch with a friend I made in chemo, then off to my mammogram.  Well, my massage appt got canceled because power to the entire building was out, I never heard back from my chemo friend- she had been busy and forgot to check her email about our lunch appt.  Well, luckily it was tuesday and my neighborhood girls always have lunch on tuesday- so at least I could keep my mind off things while at lunch with the girls...then that got cancelled too :(  I ended up getting pretty anxious, and had a few panic attacks.   Thank goodness I had some valium in my personal drugstore.  That calmed me down nicely, though I did cry a bit in the car on the way to my appointment before it kicked in.  I called my grandma on the way there to keep myself distracted.  I talk to her in the car whenever I am going to my appointments.  She provides great distraction, plus I really try to not act freaked out when I talk to her because that would make her worry more so that further calms me. 
The valium made me pretty loopy and I ended up missing a few exits (I know exactly where to go, I have been there many times) But I finally made it to my appointment.  By then I was feeling really good and not worried at all.   My mammogram was 3d!  It was the same as a regular one, but the pictures it took were slightly different- they can view them slice by slice, like an mri image.  After that, they had me sit in the waiting room while they reviewed my images.  Then they came in and told me they needed an ultrasound.  Oh shit.  This is what happened last time it was bad.  Shit shit shit!  Well, I got back there and the doctor quickly told me that my mammo was FINE, but they just really want to make sure by doing an ultrasound.  PHEW!  She then acknowledged that this appt must be really hard for me and that I must be really nervous.  I told her that I had been in the morning but then took a valium and now all is good in the world.  She said good for you! LOL!  The ultrasound also looked perfect!  Yeah!